Goal Setting✨

We all have countless goals we want to achieve. Some short term, some long term. But what are we actually doing to get there? Are we doing the work and staying disciplined? Are we making excuses? Are we holding ourselves accountable? Are we allowing ourselves to be uncomfortable?

It’s important to always know the “why” behind the goal. Why do I want to achieve this, why am I passionate about this? When we know our why, we tend to always revert to that to keep us going when times get hard. As we all know when it comes to achieving anything, TIMES DO GET HARD!

With a Goal comes making a plan. The plan consists of the steps we need to take to achieve our goal. This is where the work comes in. The closer we get to our goal, the harder those steps will seem. It takes discipline, self awareness and the feeling of uncomfortableness. That can be hard to face head on, as we all know. The key is to remember why.

I can say from experience that being uncomfortable has always been hard for me. It could be something as simple as a presentation for a large group. The task itself doesn’t seem difficult, but being up there in front of all those people, for me, is. It took me a long time to network and connect, because I’m such a “To myself” type of person. I had 2 choices. I could accept that’s just how I am, or I could could break self barriers and be better than I’ve ever been.

Moving through these barriers are small wins that deserve celebrating. Whatever that means to each of us. Each small win leads to achieving our goal. Ladies we all know that superwoman feeling when we achieve a goal. Despite it all, we did it!

We can’t expect to do a couple things and achieve a goal. We can’t expect to continue to be the same person if we want to grow. Achieving any goal requires growth, some deeper than others. This week I challenge you to set a goal, know your why, make a plan, be disciplined, be uncomfortable and celebrate your small wins until your goal is achieved! Don’t ever doubt yourself! And when you feel like giving up, remember your why! Let your why be bigger than your fears! THERE SHE GO!

HighlightHER™️

On Wednesday’s we highlightHER 👑

This week we are shining light on Elysha (Lytee) Mason. Founder of My Sisters’ Glo, she has inspired many mothers in our community. Women have nominated this Queen for her endless work in the community, her charisma that brightens others day and how she is unapologetically herself. Lytee reminds me in her interview that as women, and as mothers we are all human. The things that connect us can help empower the things that make us unique. Thank you for sharing a piece of your life with us. THERE SHE GO!

Interview:

1. If you could describe yourself with your favorite quote, what would it be and why?

“Though she be but little, she is fierce”-Shakespeare I love this quote because it embodies who I am. I am literally only 5’1 in height but I am big in spirit which is what I remind myself of when I’m feeling insecure or unsure of myself.

2. What does motherhood mean to you?

“Motherhood is an individualized journey. It’s subjective to who the mother is. It’s about being the best version of yourself to be the best mother your kids need and recognizing that it changes. Our kids change and as a result just when we figure out how to mother them… we have to change to adapt again lol

3. How do you balance making time for your children and yourself?

“Well, this is a work in progress for me. Myself, like most moms… I sometimes feel guilty for choosing to do things for myself because we are taught that our children have to be our only reason to exist lol. So while my girls are my world I remind myself that I am useless to them if I don’t take care of me. So I use “downtime” or times when they are with their father to indulge in some self-care. I also compartmentalize to make sure they (my girls) have the time they need. I leave work at work, I designate study time for school and when I’m with my girls, I’m fully with my girls.”

4. Explain to the readers about My Sisters’ Glo. What is it’s mission and how can they get connected?

“My Sisters’ Glo is an organization that I developed to connect moms to a system of support, resources and empowerment. While motherhood is an individualized journey, there is more that connects us than what divides us in motherhood. Sometimes being connected with the next mom is the very thing we need to keep going. My Sisters’ Glo is designed to encourage each mother to be the best version of herself while getting the support and resources she needs in a safe space. Moms can connect with My Sisters’ Glo via facebook: My Sisters’ Glo, Instagram: @mysistersglo or email at mysistersglo@gmail.com. On these platforms is where we post events, resources, and a wealth of encouragement.

5. What are some obstacles you have faced starting your own organization and how did you overcome them?

“I think the biggest obstacle I have faced thus far was my own fear. I have had a lot of support and people willing to donate their time, resources and energy and I have been the biggest obstacle. Fear of failing, fear of what people may think of me, just nonsense self-talk. I overcome them by prayer. My faith is a huge part of my life so when I start feeling fearful I rely on prayer and faith to move me beyond that moment.

6. Name some self care ideas for women who find it hard to balance all the demands of life. 

“I think every woman should assess herself to figure out what she needs and be okay with asking for what she needs. I know social media has us thinking that self -care is taking girls trips (which I do recommend by the way lol), going shopping, or getting pedicures and these things are wonderful (I indulge in all of them lol). But self-care is literally taking care of yourself. so if you need to go to the dr… that’s a form of self-care. If you need to read or journal to release emotions and thoughts, that’s a form of self-care. If you need to sit outside and just be in that moment of feeling the weather… recognizing each breath.. that’s self-care. And please do not feel forced to document your self-care on social media lol take those moments right where you are sis.

7. If you could change one thing about the world, what would it be and why?

“I would erase stigmas and stereotypes. I feel that stigmas surrounding anything is the root of why so many people suffer or hurt others. The state of our very nation is impart due to stigma and stereotypes. Races, religions, sexualities.. all hate each other based off of what they “think” they know about others and people suffering in silence because they’re afraid of what people may say about them if they speak out.

8. You are known to put a smile on people’s faces. How do you stay light hearted?

“Aww, thank you! I really am just myself. I cry, I get angry, I feel every emotion that everyone else feels I just really try to remind myself that a bad moment does not equate to a bad life. I do what I can do and the things I cannot change I do my best to peacefully let it go.

9. What does faith mean to you?

“Faith to me means everything opposite of logic. It means trusting a God I have never seen but can feel. It means trusting that when everything looks bad it’s still gonna work out for my good. Faith is trust to me. If you’re gonna have faith, there’s no need to worry.

10. What words of encouragement can you leave mothers to keep them going? 

“My encouragement to mothers would be to know that you are the best mother your kids could have. Know that even when you feel alone you are not alone. And never be afraid to ask for help. Your children were not born with user manuals and honestly we’re all just winging this motherhood thing! Keep going sis, the world needs you!”

Accountability

Personal accountability can be hard to accept. Holding ourselves responsible for things we did or didn’t do takes a deeper level of commitment to our growth. Accountability is essential to our growth. Without it, we are putting on a facade to ourselves and others.

When things don’t go our way and other people are involved, it’s so easy to blame others. We can point the finger and say everyone else has weaknesses, which caused something to fail. Even more intriguing is that if we felt we didn’t have any weaknesses, why didn’t we help the others who did. Why would we allow the team to fail just to prove the weaknesses of others. Pride and lack of accountability.

In life, as we get older, there’s no one telling us to grow up. There’s no one saying pick up your socks, pay your bills, talk out your childhood traumas, etc. etc. We have to want that for ourselves. If we are treating people who have done nothing to us terribly because of our past, we must hold ourselves accountable to that. We are adults! If we know we are dealing with issues mentally and emotionally, we need to get ourselves the help we need and not use it as an excuse to treat ourselves or others less than we deserve.

We have to make decisions on how we spend our money. This might hit home for some, but I promised to keep it real! We can’t be out here in the latest clothes and shoes, but yet borrowing money for gas and bills. We have to hold ourselves accountable for that. There’s nothing wrong with loving nice things, but we have to be responsible and live within our means.

We all want to be better! Being better is more than saying it. More than preaching it. It’s looking in the mirror DEEPLY. Knowing that everyday won’t be a good day, but when those bad days come we hold ourselves responsible for our part in them. “Well maybe I shouldn’t have said that.” “I should have been nicer to her.” “I should have controlled my emotions better.” Etc.

True growth lies in first seeing ourselves for who really are, holding ourselves accountable, forgiving ourselves and reinventing ourselves! I challenge you this week to become personally accountable! Take those hard looks at yourself and one step at a time, start your road to growth. I’ve said this before, growth isn’t always easy, but it’s necessary. THERE SHE GO!

HighlightHER™️

On Wednesday’s we highlightHER!

This week we are highlighting the beautiful Kelsey Collins. Kelsey was nominated by women who felt her story of overcoming challenges and now owning multiple businesses is an inspiration. Kelsey talks about finding her purpose, which we all can relate to. She had to change the people around her and focus on what was important to find her true purpose. I thank you Kelsey for sharing a piece of you with TSG!

THERE SHE GO!

Kelsey writes:

“Okay so I was told to tell my story sooo here it goes.. My name is Kelsey Collins I am a born and raised farmers daughter. I grew up with random goals, always wanting to do more than one thing… That seemed to carry out into my adult years. I am an owner of a trucking company, Model, Fitness Coach, Photographer, and dabble in Makeup frequently on the side. I wasn’t always a juggling entrepreneur. For a long time I was lost with what felt like I had zero real purpose out of life. I seemed to navigate towards the bad boys who’d drink to much and lay their hands on you the next. I sunk into this strange place where every friend seemed two faced and I could trust no man. .. I met my ex husband settled down and had two beautiful and incredible children… that’s when it truly hit me; I had found my purpose. I wanted to ensure that I would always be present in their lives. That id never miss a moment. In doing so I started my first company. Most if not all who know me and my ex, know hes a struggling recovering addict.. never once did that change the love for his children and how amazing he was as a dad.. but it did change my love for him over the years. It wore on me and in turn made me bitter and hateful. I seemed to always end up getting disappointed…Figuring out that I am enough and that just wasnt my person was when my drive really took over. I focused on my children and helping other people find their purpose, rid themselves of the negative and just embrace that they are bad ass. My fairytale ending came when the man I used to vent to turned out to be the man I was meant to spend life with. For 10 years we were just friends. 10 years I never realized how he was always there. Until I woke up and gave it a shot. I’m so very blessed for his kindness and compassion he shows me and my children everyday. We only get one shot at life that is certain, but each day is an opportunity to reset and be the best we can be.”

Leeann Rae Pulchny Photography

HighlightHER™️

On Wednesday’s we HighlightHER 👑

This week I got to know more about Brandy James. She was nominated because of her strength to push through and rise above some of life’s toughest challenges. Brandy talks about finding herself in the midst of it all. I think for a lot of us, we fear what’s on the other side of true growth. Brandy speaks on how she overcame that fear. Thank you Brandy for sharing a piece of you in hopes to inspire all of us!

THERE SHE GO!

Interview:

Who is Brandy James?

Brandy is a woman of faith, determination, and strength. She is also a wife, mother, sister, and aunt.

What do you value most in life?

I value God, family, and self the most in life.

What are some of your biggest accomplishments?

Despite being a single mother of 5 I was able to obtain 3 college degrees while raising my 5 children and working full time. Seeing 2 of my children off to college with both about to graduate.

What are some of the obstacles you have had to go through to accomplish your goals?

I married at 19. During that marriage my ex husband was abusive to me and used drugs. I was not allowed to further my education because he thought my job was to care for him and his children. Although he was abusive when we were going through the divorce, I had to get used to not being with him and get over him. Once I managed to move pass him, I had to work on my self esteem and redefine me! See I had my first child at 17 and I never really got to experience life because I was busy raising a family and taking care of my ex-husband.

Rediscovering me and what I wanted in life was hard, but I did it. Parenting was an obstacle, lack of money was an obstacle, past hurts was an obstacle. The biggest obstacle was missing my kids’ events because of class. These were all obstacles that I had to get through.

What advice do you have for women pursing their dreams?

Self-care is a huge part of your growth. Always make time for YOU!!!!! We often times have time for everything but us. Commit to 15 minutes (at the least) of me time daily, even if it’s just sitting alone or taking a walk… do it! You can’t get where you are going without the proper care of your mental and physical well-being. It’s okay to talk to a life coach or therapist to process life. Always remember to keep God first (or whoever you believe in). Don’t let titles define who you are!!!! Yes, you’re a mom, but once the kids are grown and on their own, who are you? What do you like to do outside of cheerleading, football and basketball? Do you still have a connection with your friends? Hobby’s? Don’t let titles, jobs, and others define who you are. Stay centered and true to you. If God is first everything else will fall in place. There is no such thing as excuses. If you want it bad enough you will make the necessary arrangements to make it happen. Every excuse you make pushes your dream/goal out further.

What do you love most about being a woman?

The sensitivity that comes with being female. I love the ability to care and love. I love helping and not thinking twice about it. I love my fierceness and determination.

How do you handle maintaining all the relationships in your life?

I must admit that it’s still something that I struggle with but not as much as I use to. I have a husband who understands that I have a demanding job and he tries to help as much as possible because once we are done, we usually spend that one on one time afterwards if it’s a busy week.

I live by a calendar, but I make sure that my priority is God (church), Family, Work in that order. So, I try to make sure my time is divided by the level of importance with the above-referenced three items priority. Each day I have 15 minutes of me time and at least 2 times per month I have a complete day all about me. Celebrating me and spoiling me, sometimes that’s just sleeping (lol).

If you could change one thing in the world, what would it be?

How cruel people are. No one seems to care anymore. No one wants to help others anymore. I would change that if I had the power to.

What do you hope Brandy James’ legacy will be?

She cared! Not just about herself, but about everyone around her. She came, she saw, she conquered every adversity she faced.

What encouragement or uplifting words do you have for all women?

We are born nurturers. Do not let life, men, work, or bad experiences make you so bitter that you forget to nurture yourself and those around you. Always care, love, and be present. We have one life, live it to the fullest. Plant seeds of love and positivity and watch them manifest.

 -Brandy

 

 

 

 

Blended Families

Blending families is always difficult and awkward at first. I think sometimes we as adults forget that the only reason we all come together in the first place, is because of our children. If there were no children involved, everyone could move on and go their separate ways.

So as much as we want to make it about the wrongs of the past and how we may feel, it doesn’t matter! This was when I learned what being a parent is all about. When parents separate, it can already be difficult enough without the extra battles between the parents. In most situations the child loves both of their parents, regardless of anything. It is our duty as mothers to step back and allow those relationships to blossom organically. We have to put our personal feelings aside unless given reason that our child is unsafe. After all, our kids didn’t choose their parents. Hard Truth.

As we move on with life, both parents are bound to meet someone else. How do we handle that? As women, it’s our first instinct to be overprotective. It’s our right to be! But, if the step parent wants to love our child unconditionally, that is a benefit to our child, not a threat to US. It’s a conversation between two adults on boundaries and working together to LOVE the child. Communication.

At the end of the day, as long as our children are safe and are loved, what more could we want for our children? It’s a hard pill to swallow sometimes, especially depending on how our relationship ended. But that’s parenthood.

I’m a bonus mother myself. In the beginning a lot of things were hard for me to swallow, but the one thing we all had in common is the love for our son and his love for all of us. All of those other things are irrelevant when compared to him! Blended families are the true example of putting our children first. I would love to hear feedback of how you make your blended families copacetic?

THERE SHE GO!

Maintaining Balance⚖️

Life can get overwhelming at times can’t it? Especially with kids and especially if we aren’t necessarily feeling like ourselves. How do we find that balance so everything gets done and everyone gets the time and love they deserve including ourselves?

Keeping a schedule, but expect the unexpected. This is probably the first thing I could do to maintain balance. I keep track of where everyone needs to be. At the beginning of each week I try to pick one day with a couple of hours of free time for myself. Sometimes it’s late night when everyone is asleep and I may not have a big work day the following day. It may be in the middle of the day when my kids are at practice and I can go to the gym.

I’m a spontaneous type of person so the routine of keeping a schedule bored me at first, but without it, I was forgetting things, late to everything and was just really all over the place. So although I may plan the time, I rarely plan what I will do during the time and keep it exciting for me. The same for my husband and I. We plan date nights at least twice a month. But we don’t always plan what it will consist of and let the nights be as organic as possible.

Expect that today might not go exactly as planned, but learn to roll with the punches. Keep an open mindset that a schedule is nothing more than a guide to keep us on track. Some weeks we are going to complete everything we planned and more and other weeks we will be barely completing what needs to be done. It’s okay! Keep a mindset of positivity and still take the time to nurture ourselves for a better following week.

Saying NO was definitely the next thing I learned. It’s hard to say no especially for me. But thankfully I’m surrounded by people who are just as tired I am sometimes lol. I’ve had to cut people off who felt like me saying No, was offensive. Sometimes I want to save my money, sometimes I just want to be alone, sometimes I’m just exhausted. Surround yourself with people who don’t make you feel guilty about it.

Prioritizing is probably the most important act we can do to maintain balance. We have to stop over extending ourselves. Keep our focus. Whatever that is, because it’s going to look different to all of us. Make sure we aren’t cramming our time trying to do everything at once. That’s a recipe for disaster. Avoid being overwhelmed by juggling more tasks than we can handle. This requires honesty within ourselves of what we value most. I hope we are including ourself in that!!

This week take to the time to find your balance. Schedule, expect the unexpected, say no and prioritize your life. Make sure you are a priority as well. Remember this is your life. Sometimes finding balance means letting things that aren’t a priority go. That’s apart of growth. You can do this. We can do this. Let’s start today. THERE SHE GO!