Focusing On Your Own Growth 🌱✨

We’ve been hearing this since we were kids. “If all your friends jumped off a bridge, would you?” “Keep your eyes on your own paper.” “You are too busy worried about what every one else is doing, when you need to be focused on yourself.”

I know these are words I clearly remember my mother saying to me at different points of life. Words that in those moments I took for granted. Not understanding or even knowing that those words were the foundation of how I should live my own UNIQUE life. It was instilled in me from the beginning to be my own person. When the world told me I had to be like everyone else to be recognized, or do what everyone else is doing, or wear what everyone else is wearing; my mother’s words played in my head. Did I always listen? NO! lol But on our journey of growth its important to remember our CORE.

We are all at different places in life. We all have different wants. We all have different needs. Like we have talked about in the blogs before, what it takes for each of us to grow will be different. Some of our career goals may to be entrepreneurs and change the world, some of our goals may be to excel in the career we are in, some of us may be going back to school to succeed in our true passions. Some of our family goals maybe a picket fence, some may be trying to have or adopt a child, some may not want any children at all. Once again, it doesn’t make one person’s decision better than yours or vice versa. We all know women who have been awesome mothers and awesome career women both separately and simultaneously.

The barrier is due to social media and these unrealistic expectations, we begin focusing on what the next woman is doing. We don’t even notice the weeds growing in our own yards, because we are too busy focused on the next woman’s yard. Why have her flowers grown so beautiful? What’s her secret? Why is she always happy? She must be fake, because nobody is ever that happy. If we are being truly honest, we all have said some of these things before or they have been said about us.

The truth is we are all blessed with our secrets. Look at these professional designers for example, they all can make a purse, but each one offers its own style. It’s no difference with us women, whether we are doing the same things, or doing things completely opposite of one another we all have our own secret that we possess to make it ours. We will never find that secret, or that success if we aren’t focused on our own growth.

So instead of wondering how the next woman is growing, focus on the seeds we need to plant to grow. We will miss days of watering them, nourishing them, talking to them, praying for them, manifesting them, if our focus is on someone else’s yard. The seeds will dry up, burn up, and eventually not grow at all. Why? We aren’t focusing on our own growth.

No matter where we are on our journey of growth, I think the most important aspect of focusing is knowing to not worry about outside forces. There are a million things out of our control, and if we spend our time worrying about them, we will forever be limiting our growth. We focus on what we can control, like the seeds we plant. Are the seeds we are planting aligning with who we are and who we are meant to be? We can control how much effort, how much work we put in, how much we pray, how we think. And when we put it in that perspective, how the hell do we even have time to focus on anyone else.

What is something along your journey of growth that you would like to focus more on? What are some seeds that you want to plant and nourish to be a better version of you? What are some things that keep you unfocused? What are you going to do to change them? Be true to your vision, your focus and your dreams. They are yours, they aren’t supposed to look like anyone else’s.

THERE SHE GO!

Letting Go of Old Habits 🌱✨

Letting go of old habits is one of the most important aspects of growth and one of the hardest. We become accustomed to doing things in a particular way that getting out of that routine is difficult. Habits can be simple, such as our first thoughts in the morning and our last thoughts at night. Habits can be laziness and the way we eat. Habits can be how we choose to look at people we don’t necessarily care for. Habits can be addictions that can take more than us to let go of. No matter where we are along our journey, we have to let go of old habits and create new ones.

When we think of bettering our mental health, there’s so much that goes into it. For starters how we feel and think about ourselves. Old habits of thought may lead us to think we aren’t good enough or that we need the approval of others for ourselves and work to be respected. That’s an old habit we have to change, or we are constantly going to fall in the same routine. There are many techniques, such as affirmations, post its, therapists and other ways to begin to change our thought process. It could be the habit of constantly making up our own scenarios in our head. This just doesn’t affect our own mind, but affects our relationship with others. If we know we struggle matters of the mind, why wouldn’t we exhaust all options to create new habits so the struggle decreases with time? Knowing without action is a bad habit! (I promised to keep it real)

We set these goals for our careers and businesses, yet too often we see these same entrepreneurs talk about not liking people, having arguments, throwing shade. But yet want other people’s business. That’s a bad habit. In order to open new doors, we have to let go of that. We are all human, but the person we could be offending could be the step to the next level or could be Gods way of testing to see if we are ready for the next level. Until we let go of those habits, we will constantly be held back from our next level. Because in business baby, we like everyone, we are for everyone, because all money spends & good promotion is how we get our businesses to grow.

Old habits like the addiction to spending, eating, drugs and alcohol, honestly can’t always be done alone. That’s okay too. We have to remember that through being honest with ourselves we also must be gentle. Make reaching out for help with our addictions a new habit! Whether it’s a group, counselor or friend. Make a new habit of surrounding ourselves with people we can reach out too! Let go of the ones who don’t respect our want to be better.

What’s holding you back? Is it your thoughts, your actions, how you handle yourself, getting out of your own way? We all have habits that are holding us back from being the best we can be, from reaching our next level. No they all can’t be quit cold turkey, but they will never be OLD until we admit we have them & that is the hardest part. But once we admit what’s holding us back, we can begin to take the steps we need to take that shackle off and be free!

THERE SHE GO!

Rebuilding Confidence 🌱✨

On our journey of growth and in complete transparency, rebuilding my confidence is one of my hardest struggles. Looking at me and how I carry myself, that can be hard to believe. But I had gotten to a dark place of allowing the world to dictate my confidence. If I was too this or too that, I was cocky, arrogant, stuck up. I allowed others lack of belief in me and my abilities, make me hide in the shadows of my own confidence. It brought me to a dark place. Questioning everything. My hair. My body. My abilities. My crafts. If I say this or do this will I come off like I’m better than? If I didn’t agree with the majority, did I have the confidence to stand alone?

If you had known me growing up, you would know that I was the poster girl for uniqueness. I never cared about walking alone, being alone or standing alone. I didn’t care if I was the only one who believed something, I stood on it. A friend of mine sent me a sermon delivered by Sarah James Roberts called “Girl, Get Up”, just this week. Queens, it was everything I didn’t know I needed. She said a lot that resonated with me. In terms of confidence she said we all have a point where we were broken and because of that we shy away from the core of who we are. We have to go back to that point prior to brokenness and not let it kill who we were before we allowed the world to change us. I can’t think of better encouragement when it comes to rebuilding our confidence.

So how do we do it? How do we rebuild? The first thing we must do is be real with ourselves. We have to know our strengths as well as our weaknesses. List our strengths and post them on a bathroom mirror if we have to. Our strengths are not dictated by what the world says they are. It’s who we say we are! We have to realize our limitations and weaknesses. We all have them! What mine look like may not be what yours look like, but we shouldn’t judge each other for them. Who are we to judge? The beauty in knowing our weaknesses is knowing nobody can use them against us. The beauty in knowing our weaknesses is to remind us that we are human and having things to work on doesn’t interfere with our confidence. It strengthens us and our knowledge of self. When we gain this type of perspective, we begin to not just look at ourselves differently, we look at others differently too. We aren’t bothered by women who voice their wins because we have the perspective that she needs celebrating. We aren’t bothered by women who cry out for help, because we have the perspective that we all have weaknesses we are working through. Cmon Queens!

Another big step in rebuilding our confidence is showing others how to treat us. We can’t rebuild our confidence surrounded by people who take it for a joke, don’t believe in us, and aren’t growing theirselves. Those ppl will drain the life out of us, because we are constantly over explaining. It’s already enough in this dominant social media world, that we have to deal with the opinions of others. We have to make sure the people we allow close to us aren’t deflating us as a person.

As we talked about last week, positive talks with self are unmatched. Pouring that type of love within ourselves builds our confidence. Our self confidence has everything to do with how we look at ourselves and how we treat ourselves.

A mentor of mine told me to allow people to compliment me. At the time, my mind wasn’t even at a point that I understood what that meant. But now I do. Us women can be terrible at taking compliments. We either feel we have to downplay it or we feel like we have to over show gratitude for the compliment. I’m guilty of both. Instead of accepting the compliment. Let it pour into you. And just saying thank you or I appreciate that. When we downplay, we are downplaying ourselves and we can’t rebuild from that. When we over show gratitude, it can be exhausting. Which takes away the whole purpose of the compliment to boost us.

At the end of the day, rebuilding confidence isn’t easy. Just as everything on our growth journey, there’s different levels. We have to believe in ourselves. We have to believe in ourselves enough that commentary from the outside doesn’t dim our light. We have to be real with ourselves and realize we all got our shit, because that keeps us humble. We have to show others how to treat us and we have to pour into ourselves.

What are some things you need to strengthen on rebuilding your confidence? What are some things you need to start doing? What are some things you need to stop doing? I challenge you to start rebuilding your confidence today! Keep growing and glowing.

THERE SHE GO!

Pouring into Self 🌱✨

What does it truly mean to pour into ourselves? It’s deeper than self care on the surface, but it truly looks and feels different for everyone.

I can’t think of a better time to practice pouring into self. At this time when we are naked of all the things society defines as “self-care.” When our hair is at its most natural, our nails are naked and we have no where to go and no one to prove that we “self-care.” Although those things make us feel good, pouring in, is so much deeper than it all.

Pouring into self is the way we talk to ourselves. The way we word things. We all can respond to the same sentence differently. For me, it was as simple as changing “I’m so glad I have nothing to do today” to “I completed everything I needed to do for the week.” As similar as those sentences may be, the way my mind processes them are different. The stigma my mind has around doing “nothing” makes me feel like I should be doing something. But knowing I’m entering my weekend in completion gives me that feeling of accomplishment I need for my mind to rest and be still.

Pouring into self is our soulful connections. Making time to learn, to laugh, to love and be loved. We don’t have to be social everyday to allow those connections to pour in. This is also a great way to distinguish those connections that we hold on to that constantly take from us with no reciprocation.

Pouring into self is accountability. Theres no better self realization than apologizing without being told we were wrong. Just knowing that maybe our reactions weren’t our best, or what we said wasn’t the nicest. That feeling of accountability may feel like it’s taking a piece away from us, but in reality it’s adding value to who we are. It’s pouring into what we stand for. It’s pouring into the respect we have for ourselves.

Pouring into self is our spiritual connections. The way we worship, the way we pray, the way we manifest. Whatever that looks like to each of us. We need our spiritual connections because there are so many things about life that are out of our control. If we don’t stay spiritually connected, we will constantly be taking away from ourselves trying to control every thing.

On our journey of growth, pouring into self will be a constant. There will still be empty days. Those days our connections are imperative. How we talk to ourselves is imperative. There will be days when we are overflowing. Those are the days we pour back into the ones who have poured into us.

I keep a journal. My journal has drastically changed over the last 6 months. At first it was a way for me to write down and pray on everything I felt I needed to improve. But I found that the journal wasn’t uplifting at all. After a while I shyed away from it, hating to see all the things I felt like I wasn’t doing good enough yet. But it’s self care to write it out, I thought. I’m being accountable I thought, because I know what’s wrong with me. But through my soulful and spiritual connections, I found that I’m allowed to like things about myself, that others don’t. So now instead of writing down just the things I need to improve. I write down what I like about myself. What I enjoyed doing that day or that week. I write down the weird things about myself that very few understand. Pouring into me has made me realize how deep pouring into self really is.

Yeah we say get a journal. But how will that journal serve us? Yeah we say run a bubble bath, but how will that bath serve us? A facial for me is more than clear skin. It’s about healthy skin, learning something new to take care of myself. Accepting the imperfections about my skin. Knowing I’m unique with the millions of freckles that I once hated.

No everything doesn’t have to be so deep. But when we are talking about pouring into ourselves ladies, it is that deep! I challenge you all to go deeper along your journey.

THERE SHE GO!

Repairing Our Hearts! ♥️🌱✨

Repairing a broken heart isn’t easy, I think we all know that. The tenderness we feel after our hearts have been broken is indescribable. We go through various of phases; from sad to mad, to sad again to healing. It’s all apart of our journey of growth. Once we get on the other side of healing, we step into another level of life. But sometimes it’s the process of healing that disturbs us.

We all remember our first heartbreak. I remember mine like it was yesterday. That feeling of loving someone deeply to only get hurt in the end….WHEW! It’s from that first heartbreak that we dictate how we will handle every relationship from that point on. Some of us become guarded, too guarded to allow ourselves to be loved. Some of us doubt everything. (I can relate to this). Someone could tell us the sky is blue, we will still double check to make sure. Some of us become mean. We carry an attitude so heavy, we become unapproachable. Some of us just give up, especially after multiple heartbreaks; deeming ourselves unlovable.

Even writing this now, I become tender thinking about the phases I went through after my heartbreak. I went totally wild; at that time thinking I was proving a point, but to who? It is only once we go through our phases, we can start to repair.

The steps to repairing our heart is healing our ability to love and to be loved. The first step is knowing its okay to be emotional, whatever emotion that may be. Sometimes people try to box us in. They say we can’t be mad, we can’t be sad, we can’t be mentally wrapped up in a heartbreak. All that is totally false. Experience your emotions. As long as we fake it, we will never heal, because we aren’t being real with ourselves. Who cares what that looks like to others.

The second step is staying true to our values. There’s no need to sleep with multiple men, if that’s not who we are. There’s no need to drink away our sorrows, if that’s not who we are. Often times we resort to other things to mask the pain. But when the sex is over, the boos are gone, the food is gone, the drugs are gone; we are still left to face ourselves. Remember that.

Next, we have to find ways to begin again. No matter how small that step may be. It may be just as simple as finally saying “thank you” to a compliment. What beginning again looks like will be different to all of us. To some it may be a simple friendly conversation. Others may be ready to actually date. Nothing serious, but stepping out there. Whatever beginning again looks like for you, don’t compare it to the next. Be true to you.

Lastly, which is probably one of the hardest. Don’t carry heartbreaks over. Lord knows we hate when a man holds us responsible for the last woman’s mistakes and we should have the same respect. Carrying heartbreaks over is just a sign of not being ready, and that’s okay too, if we are being honest with ourselves. Might be a sign to slow things down or maybe you are seeing red flags that you should have noticed in the previous relationship. In that case, let it go! Don’t even set yourself up. Just be real with yourself on what’s fear and what’s red flags. A man going out with his friends is not a red flag, it’s fear that the man before didn’t do right when he did. A man constantly hiding his phone and not doing what he says, that’s a red flag.

As you can see repairing our hearts is not easy, and why should it be, why should we act like it is? Our hearts are the most delicate things about us, so we should treat it as such. Take our time and heal. We deserve it. Our next relationship deserves the best us we can give it!

THERE SHE GO!

Organizing Our Thoughts! 🧠🌱✨

We all can become consumed by our thoughts. Especially in times like these. If we can’t organize and control our thoughts it will cause us to be overwhelmed and create unnecessary anxiety…believe me, I know.

My mind is my greatest asset and at times my biggest enemy. Learning to organize my thoughts is still an ongoing process, but the very first thing I did was separate the things I can control from the things I can’t.

The moment we can recognize the things out of our hands, even if they affect us, is the moment we stop letting those fears or stresses control us. We can’t control the weather, even if it does rain on our parade. We have to learn to dance in the rain, not try to stop it from raining.

Now, focusing on only the things we can control, we can organize. It’s like the brainstorming web, we used to do in school. Your mind being the center and the web being your thoughts.

Thoughts close to our spiritual guidance and family are priorities. We should always take the time to seize these thoughts and pray away any worries connected. We must never forget our core.

Thoughts close to our mental health and rest are also priorities. This may mean everything else after this point of the day gets pushed back…that’s okay! We cannot be fully present in our jobs, goals, friendships until we take care of ourselves.

Once we handle our priorities then we can break down our thoughts about friendships, bills and careers. Come up with a plan and set some goals. Because at this point our mind should be clear enough to set specific goals and plans. We are restored enough to be completely present for others.

When we organize our thoughts we realize how over saturated we allow our mind to be with things we can’t control. Whether it be the actions of others, the ways of the world or worries and stresses. How can we preach faith and worry and stress about what we already prayed about?

Organizing our thoughts is another form of facing ourselves on our Journey of growth. It will not be easy, it will take time. Be patient with yourself. But be accountable. Let’s get our thoughts organized because they ultimately control everything!

THERE SHE GO!

The Uniqueness of Blooming🌱✨

Last week we talked about patience. We referenced patience to the process of caring for a plant or flower. We are going to dive even deeper this week.

There are many different flowers. Some need little water, some needs lots. Some grow better in the dark, while others grow better in the light. But no matter what they may take to grow, it doesn’t take the beauty away that the flower holds.

We should remember this as women, especially as we continue to build our self confidence on our journey. We shouldn’t feel devalued or intimated because we may need more sunlight than the next woman. Or maybe we need more quietness. Or maybe we need very little nourishment while the next woman needs a little more. It’s all about being confident in who we are meant to be and respecting who others are meant to be.

What our friends need to grow may look completely different than what we need. Doesn’t mean we can’t grow together, just means we must respect the uniqueness of each other’s blooming.

People have always told me I have a diverse group of friends, and that’s very true. We are all completely different, raised completely different, and need different nourishment to grow. What joins us? RESPECT and AMBITION. We all respect one another for who we are and we all have the ambition to grow, which keeps us growing together, even though all of our growth looks differently.

The key that we sometimes miss is the value the uniqueness among us brings. The different experiences we can learn from. The different knowledge we all possess. The fact that each person brings out something different in us. Those are things to be valued. Not judged.

Some of us choose to live loud and vibrant. While others of us choose to live subtle and private. Both lives are beautiful in their own right, we just have to be confident in whatever we choose.

We don’t have to judge as if a private life is the best, just the best for you. We don’t have to judge someone who doesn’t choose to expose every aspect of their life; being open is what works best for you.

At the end of the day, we are all trying to get the nourishment we need to grow to our best self. We must have the confidence to know when we look around, there won’t be another like us. We must have the respect to value the growth and uniqueness in our peers. Lastly, don’t be so caught up in the process that you forget to take a step back and enjoy the beauty of it all. There is so much unique beauty amongst us, let’s embrace it & nourish it, so it can continue to bloom!

THERE SHE GO!