“Post It” Affirmations

Sometimes we can look in the mirror and train our minds to think a certain way, but for a lot of us who suffer trauma deeply; thinking just isn’t enough. Ever since I watched Being Mary Jane, my life changed surrounding affirmations.

Writing goals out, positive statements, and physically seeing them and reading them daily creates a change in our mindset. It creates a new sense of self love.

We have gotten accustomed to not feeling beautiful unless someone deems us so. We have become accustomed to not feeling adequate unless the world tells us we are. Because of this need for gratification, our love for self suffers.

Mary Jane wrote affirmations, quotes and goals on post it notes and hung them all around her house. So no matter where she went, she had them to remind her of her value. This is a game changer!

Imagine living a life where others opinions don’t affect you. Ultimately how people feel about us is none of our business. It’s no shame in finding value in the opinions of others, but we can’t let those opinions define who we are.

If you are feeling less than yourself lately or you have a hard time seeing the positive in yourself or your life, try post it notes. Put them wherever you are comfortable. Bathroom. Bedroom. Laundry room. Kitchen.

Write down how you should see yourself. “I am beautiful.” “I’m a good mother.” “I will say no when I need to and not feel bad about it” Those are just a few examples of the endless things you could write.

Remember your worth. And if you have forgotten the definition of yourself, it’s okay to start today in redefining. Your opinion of yourself is the most important for your life, mental health and moving forward.

THERE SHE GO!

Be Proud of How Far You Have Come!

Often times we become so wrapped up in who we used to be and growing from that, that we forget to stop and look how far we have come.

That thing that used to trigger us, doesn’t trigger us anymore and if it does, we know how to handle it. Those feelings of insufficiency and those insecurities that once held us back from being free, no longer live within us.

Those goals that we set, no matter how long it took, we got them done. We put in the work. We sacrificed. We deserve to feel accomplished.

Remember those hard times we thought we couldn’t get through? We got through them! Look at us now, stronger than ever!

It’s not always about the press forward. Sometimes it’s about the pause. Being 10 toes down with no thought to movement. Appreciating where we came from and recognizing where we are at. No pressure. Just being.

We need these moments for our sanity, for our confidence and to get a clear vision of what’s next. Constant movement distracts us from the little things of the now. Constant movement makes us feel like we aren’t doing enough. When we have done so much for our growth already.

Be proud of how far you have come and love where you are at. In that you will find where you are going.

THERE SHE GO!

Never losing YOU in a Relationship!

Relationships are hard work aren’t they? Sometimes it may seem that we focus so much on making the other person happy, that we lose ourself in that. Suddenly, the things we liked to do, we don’t do anymore, the people who made us laugh and happy, we see less and less. Instead of taking free time as an opportunity for growth, we take it as a moment to not miss a thing going on with the other person.

In this world of social media we become obsessed with who liked their photos, who commented. Whose photos they liked, who they are commenting on. We overthink. We read too much into things. And most of the time we begin looking so deep, we miss the obvious things right in front of us.

We lose ourselves. We forget the confidence we had before we met them. The confidence that attracted them to us. We weren’t worried about a like, a comment. We laughed and had fun. We were focused on our goals and pressing forward.

We lose ourselves. We forget about all the things that made us happy, too worried about making our person happy. That becomes harder to do when we aren’t happy within ourselves. Before we know it, we wake up and don’t even recognize ourself in the mirror.

Balance is so important in a relationship. In order to keep balance we must have trust. We can’t be with anyone who makes us second guess our goals or our happiness in general.

The most important part of any relationship is making sure that both people are able to be them. When we are able to be ourselves it allows us room to grow together. We can’t continue to pour into someone else’s happiness without it being reciprocated. We can’t forget our goals. We can’t forget our happiness or what it feels like to laugh with people we love.

Every relationship comes with sacrifice and compromise. But neither one should be YOU! Set your tone and be in a relationship that complements that. Anyone who takes YOU away from YOU is not meant for YOU!

THERE SHE GO!

Imperfection is the REAL Beauty!

In this society today, it’s easy to want to be like someone else whether it’s the attention they may get, the likes, the comments or the fact that we are in awe of their beauty. The hard part these days is standing strong in who we are because there is always someone trying to tell us how to be, how to look, how to live. As if we all aren’t imperfect.

We are all imperfect in one way or another. Some of us see our imperfections before we see our beauty and that we have to change. We can never be fully secure in who we are unless we accept our imperfections and change them or choose to see the beauty in the ones we can’t.

Let me just say we were not created to be identical. Each of us possess something unique, we create our own magic. Whether it’s our physical attributes or our personality or our thought process; we all give something different to the world. Putting all those differences together is like completing the puzzle. That’s how we become successful together as women.

So what if my body isn’t perfect. So what that I may not always be dressed to the 9. So what that I may not always know the right thing to say. I’m still me. I’m secure in that my intentions are pure, I’m comfortable in my own skin without the extra and I’m honest. That’s my beauty. We should all see ourselves as such.

When I was on my journey of loving me, all of me. I made notes to myself. I talked to myself. I wrote in a journal. I began to realize that everything that made me less perfect, made me beautiful. My scars that showed what I’ve overcome. My body which shows my joy of motherhood. My vibrant personality that’s never been too much for the people who love me. Thats my beauty.

What are some imperfections that you see when you look at yourself? Are they blinding you from your beauty or do they make you embrace your beauty? How do you love your imperfections? What do you do everyday to recognize your beauty and love on you? Make some notes. Write some positive affirmations. Start your journey. Who has time to be perfect? The only time we have is to be who we are and love it.

THERE SHE GO!

Im Worth Letting Go of My Pain!

There have been people who have wronged us and hurt us in unimaginable ways. The type of hurt that changes us. We all can remember a time when we were softer and not so guarded.

It isn’t until we reach the other side of that hurt that we begin to look at what it taught us. In fear of being hurt again we shut down. We don’t let anyone close to us, because we are scared that if we open that door that we will come face to face with the person that hurt us.

Holding on to that hurt hinders us from our growth. Naturally, it takes time to get over any type of hurt placed on us by other people. It’s hard to forgive because we forget that forgiveness is for us, not for them. We have to remember that we are worth letting that pain go.

When people hurt us, they know, whether they care to admit that or not. That is something they have to carry, not us. Let’s stop carrying around unnecessary baggage.

Although we will never be the same person after hurt, we can be better. We can wake up every day and give ourselves the opportunity to be happy. As women, we see and feel everything deeply. To be honest, every interaction isn’t meant to be felt within that context. As hard as they may be for us.

For example, a man complimenting us may just be the reminder we need that we still got it; not an invitation to another heartbreak. Someone getting to know us may grow into a deep friendship rather than a marriage.

When we carry around hurt, we carry around the pretense that everyone is full of shit. Rather than enjoying new interactions. Let’s stop letting hurt get in the way of what we are worth. We are worth happiness. We are worth love. We deserve new interactions, no matter how small they may be.

Let’s embrace the new us after the pain. Keep the lessons the pain taught us close and LIVE OUR LIFE QUEENS! You are worth letting go of your pain!

THERE SHE GO!

Help, Im a Mother of a teenager!

When we have our babies, our whole world becomes consumed by them. Their needs, their wants; how can we say no to their perfect little faces? It seems like the days go by and they grow so fast without us even noticing right away, because no matter how old they get or how much they grow they will always be our babies.

Nobody warned us about these teenage years, even though we know the hell we put our parents through as teens. One of my good friends Jennifer Orris said “it’s scary raising a teenager knowing all the crazy stuff I did when I was one.”

We hope to raise our children to not make the same mistakes we did. But as they get older, we have to learn to let go, yet still be there for them. That can be difficult. My sister LaShonda Brown says “Teenagers are fragile packages with no delivery date, make sure you are always HOME” We may not always agree with their thinking, or the path they choose to take, but’s it’s our job to remind them that we are Home. That feeling of HOME can change any person’s life, especially our children’s. Whether they are becoming adults or not, it’s our job as Mothers to remind them that they are never alone.

Teens also like to do more and go more places. If they are too young to have a job, guess who’s paying for all these activities. Lol. US!! Kierra Cephas said her daughter is her “broke little best friend.” I know a lot of mothers feel that way. I remember my mother used to say, you think money grows on trees. I know we have all heard that.

I think during this time it’s important to teach our kids the value of money. Set dates and give them jobs around the house. Money isn’t just given to us, so why should we make them feel it should be just be given to them. Mother of a teen, Rena Friend talked about parenting her teen, “I ALWAYS TELL MY DAUGHTER “YOU GOT ONE JOB AND THATS YOUR EDUCATION AND I HAVE A JOB TOO – BUT IF I DON’T DO MY JOB SOME SHITS GONNA BE REPOSSESSED AND CUT OFF SO SAME GOES FOR YOU! YOU MESS UP IN SCHOOL AND IM REPOSSESSING ALL YOUR SHIT!!!” In my opinion, it doesn’t get any realer than that!

We want to protect our kids, but as they enter the teenage world, we must understand that they will experience and see more than we want them to. We have to be real about that. We all want to believe the world is a such a great place, but the reality is, it isn’t. Felicia Matthews talks about her fears as a mother of young black male teens “Being a young black male in America; this scares me especially when they are out without me or Dre being around to protect them. I pray over them daily and asked God to keep them covered.”

SEX!! We all know what we were doing as teens, or thought about doing. I try to keep it as real as possible with my son. We talk about condoms, sex, STD’s amongst many other things. At first he blushed, now we talk about it just like we talk about football. We are clueless to think it’s not going to happen, our job is to make sure they are safe and SURE when it does.

We can’t tell our daughters not to have sex, even though our hearts may drop just thinking about it. But what we can do is when they are ready, to make sure they are prepared. Pay attention to their conversations with their friends, their actions when they think you aren’t looking, that will let you know when it’s time to have the talk. Be honest about your experiences, be relatable. Our children forget that we were once their age too. We have to teach them to be smarter!

Being a mother of a teenager is overwhelming, yet so rewarding. We begin to see the things we have taught them shine through in their personalities and actions. And even though they may work our last nerve and worry us like crazy, they become their own being. Which is all we really want. I may have to yell to get my son to do chores, but he’s the first one ready to volunteer to give back to the homeless. Although he’s still learning life, who he is at the core, I couldn’t be more proud of. Let’s not forget that ladies!

Let’s lean on each other as mothers, let’s keep it real and let us never forget that teens are growing into young adults. Let’s be what they need to be the best adults they can be!

Drop some advice you have on mothering teens!

THERE SHE GO!

Im not a B*tch or a Hoe!

Its a new year ladies, hell a new decade! One thing we are done tolerating this year is being judged, first by each other and second by the rest of the world! If a woman has a hard time opening up to people or sets boundaries for herself that she doesn’t allow to be crossed, she’s a bitch. If a woman is single, enjoying her life, dating different men unapologetically, she is considered a hoe.

Who are we to “label” anyone? We have gotten caught up in a world of telling everyone how they “should” be. In the past, men disrespected us by calling us names and reminding us of our place in this world. White women, black women, we were all expected to not live beyond our placement. We were called out of our name for centuries if we chose to do so. So why do we do it to each other?

We are all different. We have to learn to respect the differences in each of us. More importantly, there is always a “why” behind someone’s character. Just because I don’t eat pork, and another woman does, doesn’t make me better. Just because some women prefer being single over being married doesn’t mean they are missing anything. Just because some women are more reserved with their conversations doesn’t mean they cant be kind. Just because we feel it and we think it doesn’t make it superior to the next woman.

There are single women who are reluctant to date because they think dating multiple men in search of the right man is being a HOE! They allow the fear of being judged keep them from living how they want. I know women, including myself who haven’t always been the best conversationalist. We are confident in our world and because we aren’t walking around grinning from ear to ear, we can be prejudged as a bitch. I know for a fact, these are some of the realest, kindest women we will ever encounter.

So what can we do? We can allow women to be whoever the hell they want to be. It isn’t our job to judge another woman, its our job to empower her to her best self. Empowerment isn’t telling people to live how you want them to, its encouraging others to see themselves in a better light, and being what they view as the best. We are all women, uniquely made, respect that and realize that not everything is warranted your opinion. In the words of the one and only Queen Latifah “You gotta let him know….you ain’t a bitch or hoe!”

There She Go!