On our journey of growth and in complete transparency, rebuilding my confidence is one of my hardest struggles. Looking at me and how I carry myself, that can be hard to believe. But I had gotten to a dark place of allowing the world to dictate my confidence. If I was too this or too that, I was cocky, arrogant, stuck up. I allowed others lack of belief in me and my abilities, make me hide in the shadows of my own confidence. It brought me to a dark place. Questioning everything. My hair. My body. My abilities. My crafts. If I say this or do this will I come off like I’m better than? If I didn’t agree with the majority, did I have the confidence to stand alone?
If you had known me growing up, you would know that I was the poster girl for uniqueness. I never cared about walking alone, being alone or standing alone. I didn’t care if I was the only one who believed something, I stood on it. A friend of mine sent me a sermon delivered by Sarah James Roberts called “Girl, Get Up”, just this week. Queens, it was everything I didn’t know I needed. She said a lot that resonated with me. In terms of confidence she said we all have a point where we were broken and because of that we shy away from the core of who we are. We have to go back to that point prior to brokenness and not let it kill who we were before we allowed the world to change us. I can’t think of better encouragement when it comes to rebuilding our confidence.
So how do we do it? How do we rebuild? The first thing we must do is be real with ourselves. We have to know our strengths as well as our weaknesses. List our strengths and post them on a bathroom mirror if we have to. Our strengths are not dictated by what the world says they are. It’s who we say we are! We have to realize our limitations and weaknesses. We all have them! What mine look like may not be what yours look like, but we shouldn’t judge each other for them. Who are we to judge? The beauty in knowing our weaknesses is knowing nobody can use them against us. The beauty in knowing our weaknesses is to remind us that we are human and having things to work on doesn’t interfere with our confidence. It strengthens us and our knowledge of self. When we gain this type of perspective, we begin to not just look at ourselves differently, we look at others differently too. We aren’t bothered by women who voice their wins because we have the perspective that she needs celebrating. We aren’t bothered by women who cry out for help, because we have the perspective that we all have weaknesses we are working through. Cmon Queens!
Another big step in rebuilding our confidence is showing others how to treat us. We can’t rebuild our confidence surrounded by people who take it for a joke, don’t believe in us, and aren’t growing theirselves. Those ppl will drain the life out of us, because we are constantly over explaining. It’s already enough in this dominant social media world, that we have to deal with the opinions of others. We have to make sure the people we allow close to us aren’t deflating us as a person.
As we talked about last week, positive talks with self are unmatched. Pouring that type of love within ourselves builds our confidence. Our self confidence has everything to do with how we look at ourselves and how we treat ourselves.
A mentor of mine told me to allow people to compliment me. At the time, my mind wasn’t even at a point that I understood what that meant. But now I do. Us women can be terrible at taking compliments. We either feel we have to downplay it or we feel like we have to over show gratitude for the compliment. I’m guilty of both. Instead of accepting the compliment. Let it pour into you. And just saying thank you or I appreciate that. When we downplay, we are downplaying ourselves and we can’t rebuild from that. When we over show gratitude, it can be exhausting. Which takes away the whole purpose of the compliment to boost us.
At the end of the day, rebuilding confidence isn’t easy. Just as everything on our growth journey, there’s different levels. We have to believe in ourselves. We have to believe in ourselves enough that commentary from the outside doesn’t dim our light. We have to be real with ourselves and realize we all got our shit, because that keeps us humble. We have to show others how to treat us and we have to pour into ourselves.
What are some things you need to strengthen on rebuilding your confidence? What are some things you need to start doing? What are some things you need to stop doing? I challenge you to start rebuilding your confidence today! Keep growing and glowing.
THERE SHE GO!