Repairing a broken heart isn’t easy, I think we all know that. The tenderness we feel after our hearts have been broken is indescribable. We go through various of phases; from sad to mad, to sad again to healing. It’s all apart of our journey of growth. Once we get on the other side of healing, we step into another level of life. But sometimes it’s the process of healing that disturbs us.

We all remember our first heartbreak. I remember mine like it was yesterday. That feeling of loving someone deeply to only get hurt in the end….WHEW! It’s from that first heartbreak that we dictate how we will handle every relationship from that point on. Some of us become guarded, too guarded to allow ourselves to be loved. Some of us doubt everything. (I can relate to this). Someone could tell us the sky is blue, we will still double check to make sure. Some of us become mean. We carry an attitude so heavy, we become unapproachable. Some of us just give up, especially after multiple heartbreaks; deeming ourselves unlovable.

Even writing this now, I become tender thinking about the phases I went through after my heartbreak. I went totally wild; at that time thinking I was proving a point, but to who? It is only once we go through our phases, we can start to repair.

The steps to repairing our heart is healing our ability to love and to be loved. The first step is knowing its okay to be emotional, whatever emotion that may be. Sometimes people try to box us in. They say we can’t be mad, we can’t be sad, we can’t be mentally wrapped up in a heartbreak. All that is totally false. Experience your emotions. As long as we fake it, we will never heal, because we aren’t being real with ourselves. Who cares what that looks like to others.

The second step is staying true to our values. There’s no need to sleep with multiple men, if that’s not who we are. There’s no need to drink away our sorrows, if that’s not who we are. Often times we resort to other things to mask the pain. But when the sex is over, the boos are gone, the food is gone, the drugs are gone; we are still left to face ourselves. Remember that.

Next, we have to find ways to begin again. No matter how small that step may be. It may be just as simple as finally saying “thank you” to a compliment. What beginning again looks like will be different to all of us. To some it may be a simple friendly conversation. Others may be ready to actually date. Nothing serious, but stepping out there. Whatever beginning again looks like for you, don’t compare it to the next. Be true to you.

Lastly, which is probably one of the hardest. Don’t carry heartbreaks over. Lord knows we hate when a man holds us responsible for the last woman’s mistakes and we should have the same respect. Carrying heartbreaks over is just a sign of not being ready, and that’s okay too, if we are being honest with ourselves. Might be a sign to slow things down or maybe you are seeing red flags that you should have noticed in the previous relationship. In that case, let it go! Don’t even set yourself up. Just be real with yourself on what’s fear and what’s red flags. A man going out with his friends is not a red flag, it’s fear that the man before didn’t do right when he did. A man constantly hiding his phone and not doing what he says, that’s a red flag.

As you can see repairing our hearts is not easy, and why should it be, why should we act like it is? Our hearts are the most delicate things about us, so we should treat it as such. Take our time and heal. We deserve it. Our next relationship deserves the best us we can give it!

THERE SHE GO!

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